What has water got to do with it?

drawing genrleman.jpgHow much does it cost to get a hair cut?
Sorry, we don’t do  just  one hair.

How much is a shampoo?
Ten pounds more than you expect.

How much is a blow dry?
Sorry,I am out of breath.

Can you dye my hair?
I can dye it but I shan’t

Would red hair suit me?
For what?

Will a perm attract men?
No,  they are too impatient to sit for that long

How shall I look when I’m dressed up?
The same.

Am I overweight?
No, under-height.

Do you like my new coat?
Stop fishing for compliments.

Shall I have a full body massage?
No, get married again

I can’t get married again
Why not?
I have never been married

Can I date on the Internet?
In theory.

Do you have to pay for joining Soul Mates
Check your grammar.

Why are pronouns important?
To or for whom?
I see

Can I go to Bath now?
Not unless you’d like to get in with my husband
I mean on a train
Sorry, the bath is not on a train.
I was told to go to Paddington.
Why, is it a good place to pick up men?
I don’t want any men,I want Bath
I know you are foreign but we say  ” a bath”
I want to get to a Bath as I am meeting my sister  there
As well as my husband.I wonder how much  hot water we have
What has water got to do with it?
I see, you want a dry bath?
It would be nice if it were dry as I have no mac
No,dear.You don’t need clothes in a bath
You mean  they are all nudists?
Who?
The Citizens of Bath.They can’t come here anyway.
Nobody can except my husband
And you
Well, we are married.
Can you prove it?
We have the same surname
You might be siblings
Wow, that sounds grand but I only speak SQUINGLISH
And so say all of us

 

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EU no wanna CU

Customer: “How much does it cost to Bath on the train?”
Operator: “If you can get your feet in the sink, then it’s free.”
—————————–

How much is it to Rome?
While we are in the EU it’s free.
I don’t believe that.
Quite right.I am a liar.
You admit it?
I boast of it.
And to think you work for Transport for London
Sorry,I am only here to  check the i Phones
Why don’t they use landlines?
Well, when the Channel Tunnel shuts there won’y be any land under the sea.
When will it shut?
When we leave the EU.
That is odd.Why?
EU no wanna see U!

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To strands of words

Can I be an addict to this form,
Not to drugs or drink but strands of words
The villanelle which enjoys many rhymes

How is it I give my little time
In making necklaces for singing birds
Can I be an addict to this form?

Well, writing many poems is no crime
Yet conversation’s better if it’s heard
A villanelle  gives voice by its two rhymes

I shall  wander round these capes and horns
Seeking solace ,nerves  still over-jarred.
Can I be an addict to this form?

Dare I say I write merely to warn
That gambling is not good unless it’s spare
Like villanelles  which have only half rhymes

My dearest love, I find my words unfair
When you never hear them nor refer
Shall I stay an addict to  your form,
The  man of humour,love and appetite.

 

 

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Ancient houses where the long lost dreamed

Hidden in the sprawl of suburbs green
Extended semis,kitchens full of tools
Ancient houses where the long lost dreamed

Visited by Tudor king and queen
Here to hunt,to gain release from rule
Hidden in the sprawl of suburbs green

Keats’s autumn mists  and mellow streams
Where children loved to fish in  dark  cool, pools
Edged by houses where the long gone dreamed

In new kitchens, butcher’s sharp knives  gleam
See tall fridges where the meat is cooled
Common in the sprawl of suburbs green

Busy parents don’t hear children scream.
Welcome to the demons of misrule
In the houses where no-one can dream

Now time  is racing,  pauses are for fools
Post and pre, our modern life is cruel
Hidden in the sprawl of suburbs green
Ancient houses, would that I could  dream,

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Are we lonely because we are too picky or too nervous?

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The government have appointed a minister for loneliness but from people I know I can see they don’t take up chances to do activities  or go to places where they might meet others
One lady is a brilliant knitter but will not go to a group of knitters weekly as ” they are all old people” and so is she
She liked going to church but stopped.She stopped attending an art class as they were all strangers… well, that is obvious.I think she is affected by class and status too and we are all guilty of forgetting other people have less money or less education than the middle class.
I asked a couple of people would they come to an art class and they immediately said they were no good.I was told I was no good at school but found I was better than I expected~
So fear of failure still affects us even after working and bringing up children the sharp  blows of childhood and  unkind teachers still stop us having a go at something.
I wonder what this minister will do.I have a number of Catholic neighbours who have hardly spoken to me since I was widowed but 2 Muslims have been wonderful as have some atheists
I suppose the message of compassion  in the Bible is not strong enough to overcome the fear of experiencing another person’s grief;or  you fear that they will  become dependent on you.
So if we live alone, let’s see if we can help ourselves a bit as well as hoping for new initiatives from the Government.
I have a very friendly spider in the bathroom.That’s a start,I guess!

 

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Moral hurt

Moral hurt shames poor and homeless folk
They feel harassed, and hungry  for a share
While wasting money to the rich’s a joke

We look at those above us and their work
Seek to imitate, to get their wares
Moral hurt shames poor and homeless folk

And yet they gamble , some will dare to smoke
Criticise them, don’t they see it’s fair,
When wasting money to the rich’s a joke

See  designer jeans on butts that stalk
You have a connection to Nowhere
Moral hurt shames poor and homeless folk

Should we give more money to make hope?
Will we meet God’s eyes for will we dare?
When wasting money to the rich’s a joke

On the day of judgement, all are bare.
The emperors of earth lie low and swear
Moral hurt shames poor and homeless folk
While wasting money to the rich’s a joke

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James Joyce and the Mathematics of Finnegan’s Wake

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http://www.openculture.com/2016/03/scientists-discover-that-james-joyces-finnegans-wake-has-an-amazingly-mathematical-multifractal-structure.html

Fractal-Finnegans-Wake

 

“And yet, reports The Guardian, scientists at the Institute of Nuclear Physics in Poland have found that James Joyce’s Finnegans Wakea novel we might think of as perhaps the most self-consciously referential examination of language written in any tongue—is “almost indistinguishable in its structure from a purely mathematical multifractal.” Trying to explain this finding in as plain English as possible, Julia Johanne Tolo at Electric Literature writes:

To determine whether the books had fractal structures, the academics looked at the variation of sentence lengths, finding that each sentence, or fragment, had a structure that resembled the whole of the book.

And it isn’t only Joyce. Through a statistical analysis of 113 works of literature, the researchers found that many texts written by the likes of Dickens, Shakespeare, Thomas Mann, Umberto Eco, and Samuel Beckett had multifractal structures. The most mathematically complex works were stream-of-consciousness narratives, hence the ultimate complexity of Finnegans Wake, which Professor Stanisław Drożdż, co-author of the paper published at Information Sciences, describes as “the absolute record in terms of multifractality.” (The graph at the top shows the results of the novel’s analysis, which produced a shape identical to pure mathematical multifractals.)”

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He  filled  my ear and  then he caught my eye

I dreamed of my old dentist in the night
He  filled  my ear and  then he caught my eye
I hope he can’t see me without a light

He asked me how I planned to write
I told him I don’t plan but just come by
I dreamed of my old dentist in the night

I felt a little quaint, I was not right
I think I picked the wool with the wrong ply
I hope you can’t see me without a light

I want to knit  lace sweaters  for delight
But there’s no wool shop anywhere hereby
I dreamed of my old dentist in the night

I made a horse shoe patterned jumper tight
My bosom was so big it  made men cry
I hope  they can’t see me without a light

I  reckon that  cheese sandwich made me high
This is  no truth it’s halfway to a lie
I dreamed of my old dentist in the night
I  wish I could see him  by candlelight

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James Joyce:The Dead

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