Oh,hello Mira.Do run in .How aren’t you?
Wicked,thank you.I’d love some of your best tea… and some cake.
Hear you are..I hotted it up in the microwave.
How old is this tea?
Only a few hours.
The recession is truly terttttttttttttrrible when you can’t afford a fresh cup of tea.
Yeah,I may disagree as it begins to taste like alcohol after brewing for hours.
You should open a brewery…bottled alcoholic tea for a low price
My daughter is engaged to a Tebrew,
Are they that lost tribe of Israel we used to hear about in the past?
No, they are just normal Jewish British folk who love tea even more than other Brits so
All my Jewish friends at Uni liked tea.
There you are,you’re already a Tebrew lover.
Well,that’s slight exaggeration..
Oh please tell me everything right down to the last detail like what you were wearing when you met,where were his hands good at caressing.
Yes,he was keen on caressing ,yeah, but we never went all the way… and now forty years later I’m still a virgin.What is all the way:
I went all the way in my heart
Anyway he was very sweet like honey.His lips were divine… well,you know what I mean,God has no lips but,it’s just an expression.. if God did have lips,how would we know?
What a shame he left you.. what happened to him, not God…?
He decided to brew his tea with another..
Did you know her at all?
Not in the biblical sense.I saw her walking down my street loooking pleased
Well,I know you’re not a lesbian… or am I making a category error?
No and I’m not heterosexual either.
Why is that,do you think? Are you otherly sexed?
Or are you non-sexed?
I always felt I had something missing… ,,like perhaps a body.
Are you a virtual spirit?
Well,would a spirit drink tea?
Not if it was Wholly Spirit.
Or what if it were a Holey Spirit… the tea would drip out.Aha.
O layee.O layeeooo. O layee..Oh, oh oh oh!
Are you yodelling or was it just wind emerging?
I think you need to be Swiss to yodel.
Is it genetically transmitted?
No,generically .They give you a licence… the freedom..
What we need is more licentiousness.
Bring back sin..
Bring back the love of the body.
Bring back the language of flowers.
Bring it all back,now!
And that brings to an end this addition of Many Fancies for tonight.
I fancy a meringue now…how about you?
Visit our website
Or email me at
He hurls before she whines
Lord God,heal my bunions and lend me onions
He’s a real grey thinker.Take your own whip and he’s free.
Sir Christopher Wren was uncannily learned.St Paul’s….says it all.
When I’m wise,I feel foolish.
People who live in doss houses need to get stoned.
Deception ruins reality.
I won it but I’m baffled I never even knew it was a marathon.
The plus of the witty
I stick to the low hanging fruit.Am I a human wasp?
My diction’s worse than a thousand birds parroting
Would you like some free oatcakes?Then you can’t have them.
Wig headed…. no more bad hair days
I’m jigged out since I danced with you all night
We pin our mopes on the kitchen noticeboard and throw darts at them
Don’t kiss me on the lips,I want your whips.i want to be tied to your bed all night..if you go out.
It was a kiss-poor relationship but it made them unhappy which was their desire… so you might say,it was a marriage in one shade of grey.
His bladder was so full, he pissed onto those hills.
I don’t believe it.
Well,he relieved it.his bladder,I mean.
I wish mine was bigger.
No, it’s his big bladder I want.
Love me,love my bladder…
Mine is too small…
I think if you really truly love someone,you don’t care how big his bladder is,or how small.
As long as there’s a public convenience nearby.
The streets are alive
With the sounds of peeing.
Well,the council can close down all the conveniences but our bladders still keep filling up regardless
The hills are alive to the sounds of pee wee.
With sounds they have heard
for a million years.
Do moors have ears?
Do balls shed tears?
Not Ed Balls….
I have no balls on my head and no nuts in my bag.
There was a toad on our front path.We’ve not seen one for 20 years.
The garden was shrubs with gravel between, but the rain and heat have caused wild flowers to grow in the gravel and some long grasses.So it must be there.I’ll try to get a photo…
I loved her for her big blue eyes,
And her Le Creuset pot.
I loved her though she was naive,
For,my word, she was hot.
I loved her curly golden hair.
I loved her home made jam.
But most of all,I loved her brain
And how she dealt with spam.
I loved to lick her bright pink lips
I loved to bite her ear.
But most of all,her innocence,
And how she showed no fear.
I liked to lick her toes as well
I like to touch her hair.
But it now proves so difficult
Because she is not here.
I look at all her photographs,
I look at all her posts.
She has two dnzen boyfriends now.
Whom does she love the most?
I loved her breakfast coffee pot,
I loved her tea as well.
She fed me on hot buttered toast,
The rest I cannot tell.
Except she was tempestuous,
And like an autumn day.
She made the leaves fall off the trees
Though it was only May.
So now I’ve turned quite gay.
She never let me play.
She sells men on E-bay.
Her name is Maisy Fey.
I love her to this day.
How to tame yourself
Try to gnaw on a piece of wood for a few minutes
to stop yourself biting people’s heads off.
Always keep your nails short and clean
So if you scratch people they won’t turn septic.
Try a small piece of sellotape over your lips
You could paint it pink so it won’t show.
Though if you have a cold you mustn’t.
If you need to say anything try miming or pointing.
Wear a scarf round your face
So your frowns won’t show.
They’ll think you feel cold but that’s better than thinking you have the evil eye
Join a religious order.They’ll tame you free.
Allow people to stroke your head without snarling.
If you lie on someone’s lap having your head rubbed
Keep your nails under control,
Though soft humming and chuckling is fine and most welcome.
If you eat other people’s dinners
Let them eat your dinner.
If you get mad
Climb a tree and sulk invisibly for hours.
If you get sad
Lie in a melancholy heap just outside the bathroom
Someone will notice you and douse you with a jug of hot water.
That will get your back up again.
And at night when you prepare for bed
don’t backup the days grievances onto your internal hard drive.
You will have more space for the best things in life
Which are provided free for those who learn to see widely enough
I empathised with the wrong type of syllables.Now my language is impregnated with new meanings.
Everything’s coming up to close
Looking into my hole?
My heart sings to you,are you tone deaf or just horrible?
Let’s droll again,like we did last summer.
let’s split up and then reconnec our cables
Flicking one’s wounds into other’s umconscious minds
I’ll fly down with the lions of Judah
Life is a bowl of worries… just pick one.,
Life’s a bitch and how we love them
As polite as a whether
What a plight at the end of this tunnel
Right in the guts…. he left me for dead.
lightning never strikes the same place twice because it’s not there anymore.
The delights are here again.Thank you,Lord
Do lights shout or am I psychotic?
I like a bull in a china shop…love that crackle
He like a little licking with his head under the bedcover.
I feel like a coiled spring in your mattress.watch out..I’m about to…. kiss your butt
You affect me like a lost flog in the dark.Are you grey yet?
I could whip you with one arm tied behind my back.
That’s so unkind.. don’t you know I’m a masochist,Untie your arm at once.. unless you are a one handed half sadist
i hate to pray…but…where are you,God?
i have no news about your vital stats.
I hear a cat…
i love you more than common sense recommends
I need a hole in my head…I’ll shoot myself
I never met a man I could ride a bike with since Peter left me
i want my lace bikini and the sun
i wasn’t born yesterday…what a surprise.That’s why I can read…
unless it’s genetic.
i wouldn’t whiten teeth for any liar,
I wouldn’t thrust him as far as I could tweet.
It was he who thrusted,Father.I just lay there..you might say,
I got laid.What can I do?I’m no longer a virgin except at driving cars.
I’d love my head if I wasn’t so detached.
If you want to receive love and grace,
You can’t if your soul has no space.
If you want to create
You must meditate.
That is one rule at God’s place
If you fear that blank emptiness
And your life is all frantic distress.
How can angels get in,
Off the head of their PIN?
It’s an answer there’s no need to guess.
There once was a lady poet
Who gave too much advice, and free quotes.
So her friends got her high,
She was up in the sky,
So she flew but still felt overwrought
Her friends were very annoyed
She was too much by words mis-employed.
So they bought her a lute
With a built in sweet newt
Music’s an art to be loved and enjoyed.
This lady was too good and kind.
She even helped stressed wasps unwind.
So they sent her to school
To learn how to be cruel.
She had a dark shadow lost deep in her mind.
Don’t miss this haunting song sung by Sinead O’Connor
My lover eats me like blank verse.
My lover bleats till I’m full of mirth.
My lover makes two seem a cloud of unknowing.
My lover is sweet though he’s a trifle terse at every verse end
We watch TV when there’s nothing else on Earth.
We play music so loud no ear is uncovered.
My education never made me an Object of Desire…I expire too soon..please extend my lifeby taking out a new warranty.
My first boyfriend had a lovely smile;just once,I admit,but it was worth waiting for…I think.
Life feels so Blair sometimes.
The fear of fear is bad for your health.
There’s nothing so near as fear itself.
There’s nothing so dear as wishing for wealth.
There’s nothing to fear in begging for help.
There are many things more queer than loving one’s self.
You have nothing to fear but the Era of stealth.
I have nothing but tears, yet I drink to your health.
Never put back on tomorrow what you remove today.
Being contrary,I shall please myself
Cocaine for the blues
Thinking of you.
Heroin’s bad news..
You have to choose.
Will you sign up? It’s free.
How will we be?
Just choose a password,
We’ll confirm your account…
By email,don’t doubt.
You can register here..
Join us without fear.
Friends are so wikkied…
So do not be trickied
Art’s as easy as how to see.
It’s so easy to draw water.
The beans mystified our trends
Let them seat crows.
Let the wheat cake.Let them meet steak!
And so prey all of us
His seat is lead!
He’s in fear of dread.
She eats me like verse.
I eat straight from his hat
You beat your gun and I’ll beat your bum:Forty glades of hey!
Do you eat your own frog’s food?
We found eight hundred Camilla’s all harrying one man.
The Elephant and the Broom:an opera in three perhaps’s
He sent a promotional rolling boaster to comb the streets
You empathise with the wrong sort of Syllables.
I’ll pre-empt your flattery..I just know I’m at the behest of the crunch.
Did you pay for me and my paramour’s whole synthesizer?
It’s the reverse end of the sentence.Ecnetnes eht…… gad it
I don’t like words with no ends.
Our blends mystify the means.
Not even a kind squirrel lends an acorn to a tree.
While the Press liars’ churning …the disabled folk are hurting.
We have no wheels at all today… not even for meals
To save confusion I shall admit that I sometimes invent a word..not just here but in my poetry too..after all it’s a human made symbolic world and I have the right to add to it…oh,pluck off.
I wept till I cried… how dare he have died?
Why keep both sucklings abreast?
Keep you cinders flossed nightly.Stop here and try a scone..please bereave me.
Keep your gin up and be toned as a few fans hit some nit.
The government keep the fares dear and keeps old dears afraid.
keep your face powder fried ahead and brush your eyebrows till symbolic
I’m keeping a cup of tea for his Bones
He makes even hard men very depressed..
My kiss keeps on sticking to your face.please accept my demonologies
I’ll just cock the vacuum and weigh the dust
I’ll flick this problem to a nerd with verve
Tickle some brute.. you show it makes mince
She flicked her hair so musically,it was great tart..
How to pick your own feet up for dummies.
Click till she reels…photography is a book’s spell
I have been one acquainted with the night.
I have walked out in rain — and back in rain.
I have outwalked the furthest city light.
I have looked down the saddest city lane.
I have passed by the watchman on his beat
And dropped my eyes, unwilling to explain.
I have stood still and stopped the sound of feet
When far away an interrupted cry
Came over houses from another street,
But not to call me back or say good-bye;
And further still at an unearthly height,
One luminary clock against the sky
Proclaimed the time was neither wrong nor right.
I have been one acquainted with the night
An accessory devil is available on bequest
Perspicuity is the father of circumvention
Doctor,my nerves are like weals.
Impervious as a top hat on a hot headed youth
Never put back on tomorrow what you remove today
I have a new tease on line
The brewery is my curey,doctor.
Wise guys finish last
A fright a day keeps my nerves in play
Unzip and good luck
Tip it in the flood
It’s woe with your umrelenting tales
I’m no glamourer
It’s an oh,oh moment!
No bolds charged here.It’s free for a small fee..
He was hailed beneath the axe.
I am torn with wrath and woe.
Take some meths..and set your self alight.
I’ll take a fracture;it will cast longer.
Knit a sheep’s hat and keep the moors warmer.
Life’ so Blair sometimes
Shake me alive with the wounds of music
Make the town wheezy
Bake it for Tee
He faked wit to its limits
Wake me with a pail of malt.
I made a mind filled with rhymes
Doctor!Why,he mocked me….then he shot me.
Rake the hill with hate stones
A land of silks and money.
A land of jilted Bunnies.
The last witch’s effort to inspell me into doom has failed again.
Rioters bid a fast ta ta to the Law
The fast and the feast..I love you at least as much as you do.
Your laughter thrills my wits
They laughed all day as their ship sank.Positive Thinking..gets you drowned faster
He plays down my flaws without prayers
I pay my bards on the navel.
He has a faked heart crack.
I leave no crone unweaned.
Turn left at the altar…and run round the side aisle.Practise escapology before the wits of theology
He was a legend in his own crime novels.
A shepherd doesn’t change two sheets easily.
“The wisdom of city devils”: my latest suffering in details.
The evil is in the retail.
Down in the Mall,don’t spend less than your All
Oh,Susannah,don’t you tell lies to me,
I’m off to my old Mama and then I’ll come to see.
I’m as busy as a lone flea on a well coveted cat.
Can I pee,too,in Hell?
You’re as blind as my Dell.
At the hopes of what pseudo-dope?
The Pope’s at the end of his Cope this summer.
We blend hope and dismay…what else can I pray?
At the sight of the tricky hoarder…I say,why her,why here?
On hearing the last sin,the Confessional box burst into flames.
Father said,I know it was mortal,but it’s hell in here,Lord.
Why do I hear?
I’ve just got one Ex to grind..
On the tip of the sands
Pat her with joy
She’s my pearl.
She’s my Fairy Queen.
I’ve been blotted already and I’m just a Parker.
I’m a Sheaffer waver…and my blink is permanen
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