British Grammar


My last boyfriend went from adoration to disillusionment  with me in two weeks

That’s pretty fast!

Apparently I was not fast enough.

You’re better off without that sort.

So,how about someone who loved,adores and worships you for six months before throwing you out like an old newspaper?

You should have let him read between the lines!

Be serious.I am deeply wounded,disjointed and falling into despair

But you only knew him for two weeks

But we spent every night and day together.

Always a mistake.Has he no job?

Yes,he’s hoping to seduce a rich widow.

So how did he get into your arms?

He imagined I looked very rich and was ready to shoot my husband.

But you have no husband

It’s all hypotheatrical.

You mean hypothetical?

Aren’t words odd when you stare at them for a long time?

Like men!

Never stare at a man or he will wonder if you fancy him…

What’s wrong with that/

What you need is a man who’s less impulsive.A slower kind of man..
Not these men who go through you like a dose of salts and leave you tied to the lavatory.

He never tied me to a lavatory

No he left you tied to 100 boxes of paper hankies.

It was so thoughtful of him tp bring them

You could say that

That!

Oh,you are so funny.I just adore you.Tell me,have you ever fancied another woman?

Another than what?

Yourself!

I don’t fancy myself.

What a pity!

Why?

It takes the waiting out of wanting!

Like a credit card

Think about it

I already think too much

Oh,well,come here and I’ll show you what a woman can do for you

Er, sorry,,, I have an appointment..

With whom?

My dentist.

Don’t tell me you are going out with him.

No,we are staying in

Well,you are a fast worker

I have to be as they all leave me so soon

There’s a moral here.

You write it down and show me tomorrow…

I see… off to see how comfy his new dental chair is

I always thought a dentist would be good for a sado-masochistic relationship… or bad of you catch my drift.

I think you are an absolute fool.Will you never learn

What@

To be more discriminating

No,I’ll be incriminating..discrimination is a crime

Whom shall you incriminate

The dentist.. whom else?

My,our English grammar is coming on.

Now we have to call it,British grammar.

But we have no language called British!

British English!

I blame Human Rights Legislation

Oh,give over.It was that common market…I blame de Gaulle!

And that is the end of

“Thoughts for Today” on the BBC Home Service…. and what a service!

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About Kate Thwaite

I love writing , conversation, art, wild flowers, music and air.And books
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