Stan in hell

  • Bright lake

    Stan was standing on the patio when a sudden downpour drenched him all over.
    This is like a monsoon,he murmured to Emile who was also wet.
    A head appeared over the fence.
    I’m awfully sorry,old boy.A pipe has burst in Annie’s loft.
    I don’t believe it.You are Stan Brown.It must be 50 years since I saw you as a student… you were hopeless at logic too.
    Stan was hiding his surprise at seeing Rudolf Hairnet,his former  tutor at an ancient foundation of learning and sin, in the garden of Annie,Stan’s beloved once more [now he has swept out his sacred space and put a bolt on the door.]
    Why not pop in Rudolf,he said.I’ll leave the door open and go upstairs to change my clothes.Be with you in a moment.
    Stan went upstairs and removed his clothes.His body was now as thin as when he reached his full height of 6 ft 6 inches but alas it had less muscle and more fat..He gazed into his wife’s mirror.
    To his surprise he saw Satan looking out.Although he knew this was possible for Catholics he had never met Satan before.
    How do you get behind the mirror,he asked gently.
    God only knows,said Satan morosely.
    Why not ask him?
    I’m too proud,the poor devil replied in a bleak voice.
    Well,we all have our pride,Stan told him,though no doubt yours is the biggest  size in the universe.
    Yes,indeed,Satan answered.
    Are you here for any special purpose,Stan enquired.
    Yes,your home seems more intriguing than most and I like to watch you in bed with that flame haired woman.
    I see,said Stan,You are a voyeur.
    That’s one way of describing me,Satan said,no woman will come to bed with me so I am trapped here behind every mirror in the world.I can see it all but never take part.
    You must be very lonely,said Stan
    Yes,the dark spirit muttered.
    Are there no she-devils about who might oblige you?
    I don’t seem to fancy them so much.They are all as bad a me,I want kindness and tenderness not just lust.After all,one might satisfy that with a vibrator… we have them in hell you know!Free/
    Why,you are beginning to sound almost human,Stan told him.That’s what we want too.If only you would apologise to God I am sure he would forgive you and let you come into the real world of others instead of being trapped in there
    Stan heard a noise.He turned round displaying his bony frame and his organs to Rudolf.
    Are you ok?I was worried that the drenching had knocked you off balance.I have put your kettle on the fire to make you a hot drink and phoned 999 for aid.
    But we don’t have a fire,Stan responded.
    Well,you do now said Rudolf,so let’s enjoy the flames while we can.
    To whom were you talking in there?
    I was on my mobile,said Standefensively.
    But where was it?You had nothing on ?
    On second thoughts,please don’t tell me.I’ve heard some strange stories but arsing about with a why,hi phone is not one I wish to dwell on.
    That’s logicians for you.No interest in the wilder shores of life ,Stan told himself as he went downstairs and joined Rudolf in a good cup of tea with sugar and biscuits
    And that is what I need to recover from writing down this very odd tail…
    And so does Dave the poor young paramedic

    Kindly refrain from reblogging or re- tweeting as amusement often offends.

    Please read with baited breath.You may catch something.

    Do not email you comments to me at :kitswits@hellsangels..co.uk

    nor at  :cleverlady@hotmail.hell.com

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About Kate Thwaite

I love writing , conversation, art, wild flowers, music and air.And books
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