Mary Brown had spotted her 98 year old husband Stan; he was across the road with a young blonde and stunning lady.She ran across the road risking being flattened by a n large bus which was only yards away.She knew Stan was very fond of women despite being married to her.
Stan,hi!Who is your pal? she enquired quietly
Why,this is Sabrina Smith.She is a mathematician from Stanford. in the USA… on a year exchange visit here in Knittinghan.
Why,hello,Sabrina Stan loves clever women… and in your case,you also have beauty as well.I am Mary.
Hi Mary,Stan told me you were out buying some Vaseline in the pharmacy
.He invited me to have coffee as I am alone today.
Oh,damn,I must have had a senior moment.It was that Jazz Band that distracted me.She refrained from saying why the jazz band was so intriguing to her.
Come on,ladies,hurry up,said Stan as he went into a brand new coffee shop staffed by delightful Turkish people.He ordered three cappucinos plus some milk for Emile who was in his backpack peerinr out benignly as if he were a baby kangaroo in his mother’s pocket.
They all sat down by the windows and gazed at the folk passing by in some rather unusual clothing.Unusually horrible is what they were thinking as the fashion for jeggings and leggings seemed to have been greeted warmly by the British women on view.And without a tunic one could see all they had on public display.
Sabrina was was wearing a short pink velvet dress and green shoes.
Don’t you find velvet very warm in the summer?,asked Mary.She was wearing a long cotton dress and some open toed sandals.
Well,it’s cotton velvet,Sabrina told her.Most is made from polyester now.I made this myself so I could choose the fabric
I have never learned to sew,Mary told her nervously.I was afraid of the electric sewing machine…Still,it’s probably cheaper nowadays to buy your clothes ready made.
Soon the women were engrossed in a discussion of their favourite fashion shops and styles.
I like a wool coat in winter,said Mary..I find down filled coats seem to make me perspire too much…even feel faint at times.
What kind of anti-perspirant do you use,Sabrina asked…
I tried Mitchum.I see it lasts for 48 hours.Does that mean you have no need to wash your armpits every day?
I must confess that puzzled me,Sabrina told her gently.
Anyway,it’s my face which sweats.I can’t put antiperspirant there…
No,it is likely to give you a rash and anyway the body needs to sweat to get rid of toxins,Sabrina informed her scientifically..
I don’t mind it sweating lower down, like on my legs,Mary said.But it’s embarrassing giving a lecture on why e is not an algebraic number with rivulets of water running down my face washing off my foundation cream and powder,
Yes,that is a real problem,Sabrina said wisely.I never knew anyone still wore powder.I like creme de mousse foundation myself.
Meanwhile Stan sat and gazed at Emile..he rolled his eyes.
I came here to talk naughtily to Sabrina,not to listen to women discussing sweat and antiperspirants.
Well,life is what happens when we are busy washing out our pans,Emile told him nastily
I don’t think that is quite right,said Stan.I have already washed all the pans and hoovered the ceilings…
Well,you see, much of life is out of our control.That’s why people like to take the Bible literally.They prefer to think End Times are here, than to realise life is always changeable and unpredictable.Any thing seems better than uncertainty.
How have you found teaching topology,Mary asked Sabrina.
I find it’s more fun than teaching logarithms,she continued,and exponentials…
Yes,I love teaching topology… and functional analysis.
Blimey, thought Stan, this is even worse than sweat and antiperspirants.
I use lily of the valley soap,he cried,interrupting the ladies.
Why,are you gay? asked Sabrina
No,I just use whatever Mary is using.
Why don’t you buy him some soap smelling of parsley,she asked Mary.
Why, can you get that? Mary responded.Coal tar is one we tried but he hates it…I think for men there’s not a lot of choice…
But,Sabrina cried,A man smelling of lilies of the valley might cause a disturbance,even a riot.
Why should women have all the lovely smells and men smell of coal tar and smoke?Stan asked.men like flowers too,you know.
The ladies looked at him with wonder as they sipped their lovely cappucinos.
I never thought of that before,Mary said.
Neither did I,Sabrina added.. this is not related to my work but my lover is a psychologist and he’s like to know about it.
Alright,ladies… time to go.Emile needs his dinner.So off they went all wrapped in their thoughts like a feather in a pillow…
Not what anyone had expected…but change is good for us,surely? Now we can wonder what sort of soap Dave,the delightful paramedic wears.. and does he use a 48 hour deodorant?
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