Dear John

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Dear John
I am in the doldrums and feel as if I am stuck for ever .So  to escspr I have bought a motor bike and am going to Cornwall for New Year.
Your dinner is on page 14.Remember it’s the Sabbath now so don’t fry bacon as the new neighbours might smell it.
That’s rhe one problem of being a British Jew…..there is no real alternative to egg and bacon as a British dish.However if pigs can be made into sliced bacon surely some clever person can cure lamb and make it into a similar thing..think about it… this could be your moment… we might get rich and live in a white house like my dream.
Still as I am also a Catholic and it’s Friday we ought to have had fish and chips…..I must hurry or you might come back and find me here writing this letter which would be a waste of my efforts to elude you and vanish into the frosty darkness with only Ludo the cat sitting on the back…. don’t worry I have bought him a crash helmet.
Somehow I can’t seem to escape as I recall I have not boiled your hankies this week nor have I killed the rat nor swept the mat..This really is the doldrums… I am stuck and waiting for someone to take this raucous blosh off my mind.
Sincerely
Your wife
Ruth
I hate to say this but you are very boring… and I can’t take any more.if only you could speak.I never know what you are thinking.Maybe it’s all for the best as you might be a serial killer.You nearly killed me with your sudden rages and bad temper if I did not breast feed you nightly….I suppose it kept me slim but it seems wrong when you have dentures.Can you not remove them so you don’t bite the hand that fed you,if you catch my drift.
So you will have to go back on the bottle… there’s a few left in the cellar.
That’s it for now… light a candle for me.

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About Kate Thwaite

I love writing , conversation, art, wild flowers, music and air.And books
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