- When the aged,wrinkled yet lively old man Stan and his immodestly shy, wildly pretty,blue eyed and brilliant wife Mary arrived at their local “hospital” in an ambulance Stan was carried into the Resuscitation Room and was lying down on a trolley…… which is like a bed with wheels.How did I get here? he asked God, who was on a shelf,impetuously.None of the staff answered.http://youtu.be/EIjTBC9pAxEA nurse came in and gave him some oxygen but no-one washed his face and hands…the nurse said they were overworked that day with all the usual drunken English folk falling off buses or off pavements or arguing and hitting each other with beer bottles,
After another four hours a doctor came and looked at the weary old fellow.
I think I’ll order a CAT scan for your head. he muttered nervously,as if talking to a spirit.
Oh,My cat,Emile, is not here,Stan informed him.
Shall I get my mistress to fetch him?
You have a mistress as well as a wife,he asked curiously.
Yes I do,You should get one,Stan said.
They are useful when the wife is at work.And it’s a very honourable position for a widow who is bored.
I think that’s immoral,when your wife is earning all your crusts,said the doctor cruelly in a very sarcastic tone..his eyes shining with demonic glee.
I don’t mind,said Mary cheerfully.After all,it gives him exercise and stimulation.And I can do my research peacefully.I have always thought the French had the right idea about love
You can say that again,said Stan!
The French had the right idea about love!
How about Revolution?
I don’t think we could handle a Revolution,said the doctor in a kindly voice,his mouth drooping slightly with fatigue.After Stan had his CAT scan they had to wait patiently for two hours for the result….the scan had to be emailed to a Consultant elsewhere,that is… at home by the TV
The CAT scan area was shut except for emergencies and had an eerie emptiness which contrasted oddly with the crowded noisy Casualty Department.Two men od different colours were arguing loudly in the Scan area.
Mary knocked on the door and told them off,much to the delight of the porter.
Later Mary phoned Anne,her neighbour and begged her to bring Emile her cat to the hospital in a large zipped bag… with a breathing space.
Anne arrived after only ten minutes or so.. loking colourful
Emile put his head out of the unzipped top and said,
What a strange smell this room has.. is it TCP?
Stan was very glad to see Emile. Anne went out and got Mary a spinach and mouse sandwich and some tea.She helped Mary to keep Stan comfortable with glasses of water,bottles to pee into,tissues to mop up the blood from his hands and face…no doubt this is well known to many of you.Several doctors too many came in…separately.One told them Stan had fractured the bone under his right eye.
Don’t blow your nose,Stan.Your eye might come out…Wow,they don’t soften the blow,do they said Anne,her face pink with the over heated air of the
A and E ward
How far out would it come? enquired Mary scientifically
her pointed face creased with worry.But none of the staff answered
Mary advised Stan gently,
Just blot the end of your nose,honey,if it runs.You’ll be alright with me here.
Though his eye looked very peculiarAnother doctor came in after six hours and informed old Stan he had confusions in his brain.
See a psychiatrist,Stan told him rudely.Why tell me?
Emile hid his head inside the bag.I am going to ring a neurosurgeon,don’t go home till I get back,he ordered Mary bossily
Another doctor told them Stan should see an opthalmologist….
Mary began to feel sick…and the first doctor never came back.
Perhaps he’s fallen into a black hole,said Anne foolishly as she reapplied her orange lipstick and powdered her ample bosom and cleavage.
Stan mewed musically to tease Emile.Emile purred as loud as possible…he enjoyed purring very much.
At midnight the staff nurse advised the women to go home as Mary would have to be admitted to the Cardiac Unit if she stayed much longer….. her face was as white as a goat’s belly…is that wight?
They went off in a minicab but left Emile under the trolley on a small shelf from where he chatted to Stan and operated a recording device… to spy on the staff
Stan grew more and more tired,lying all alone…pity they don’t have a lying in nurse nowadays!
Why,I feel as if I am in prison, he told Emile…I want to go home and go to my own bed…
Me too,said Emile…I have a new girlfriend called Jenny,he went on.
I look forward to meeting her, said Stan..and he fell into a dream where he was surrounded by lovely female nurses in pale pink uniforms all smiling at him……..if only it were true.
Can you dream whilst awake?
Yes, all life is but a dream..and I’m a butterfly.
And I see I am in some photographs