I was going to take my husband a roast dinner today ,but I forgot to put his dentures in the coffin.. so I shall have to have them cremated.There goes another £758 and I am damned if I have to pay for another Service.
The doctor said I need to let my feelings out so I am going to Epping Forest in the hope they will get lost and I can come home without them.
They say it’s natural to grieve.It’s also natural to eat dogs in China,And it’s natural for so called civilised countries to torture suspects
When I cry men cross the road to offer me their handkerchiefs.So far I’ve got 50.Isn’t it great not to have to buy tissues any more?
To save money I am burying my credit card under a tree with my husband’s ashes.Then he will know I being thrifty just like he always told me, even though it’s 30 years too late.
The dermatologist told me,you will smell human flesh burning.I wish I’d told him I am a vegetarian but my face was numb from the 21 injections they gave me.Maybe we should pay surgeons more more or let them eat cake.
I invited our GP to the funeral but he said for that to happen we’d have to hold it in the surgery
Funerals are so expensive I’ve decided to bury myself at sea.