No mobile moans are allowed to leave this hospital.
Please faint on the bed only.Or if pushed,faint on the nurse
No lipstick to be worn at night by men.
Do not attack the doctor.He is only a short term pest here so far
Pills must be taken gaily
Do not undress in this cubicle.Undress outside before entry.Leave your clothes in the bin for people to steal.Thanks your X ray team.
Kindly tell us your name before we knock you out.Write it on your arm with black ink
If afraid please report to the nurse who will comfort you as best he can
If no night nurse is available please die after 8 am.
If you must have sex in the ward, please do not scream or moan as the other patients may be jealous.
If you have no relations please ask the doctor to oblige when he finishes his rounds.
If you feel weak,do not use your Kindle Fire on the bed.Get on the floor
After a heart attack do not resume sex until you get home unless you had the heart attack here
in which case please feel free to continue either or both..
Sex is a form of exercise but also can create chaos in public.Try walking instead with or without a partner.
If borderline,kindly make your mind up whether you love or hate the pest doctor before he arrives.
Having sex with all the other patients in the ward is impossible so please think of another form of entertainment or be prepared to go to jail…
No medicine to be taken unless we are your supplier.
If you want to say a last word please be quiet.
If we have to freeze your nuts off, we will do so with levity.
If you have no bosom,you are probably a man.Wards are now mixed so there is no.problem apart from a shortage of braziers.
If you have any nuts,please leave them in the hands of a female nurse prior to surgery.
Cover all your parts before the Royals visit.
Please leave me all your money before you leave the ward when about to pass over
Sex changes by an operation or sometimes naturally.
Are you bored in bed?Get out and walk up and down the corridor to annoy the visitors.
Kindly do not drum your fingers all day.Use a drumstick.
If you have erosive dermatitis, please dry carefully.
If you have an egg please donate now.Fertility counts.
Owing to a world shortage of egg cups,we now use mugs.
Do you have any further problems?Please weigh your words.
None of the staff understand the government…so please do not mention David Cameron if you
wish to go home on one piece.
Pies are sold in the conservatory.We do not know why.
In fact we know hardly anything but don’t worry,we’ll treat you barbarically anyway.
Be a stoic and keep quiet; do not gasp like a dying fish as it annoys the doctor