I believe that we English people use irony more than other folks do,although I’ve not carried out any surveys.I am waiting for the government to give me 5 million pounds to carry out a short research project on this.
Now,if you hear someone say
This government is the best one since King Alfred burnt the cakes or since Queen Elizabeth the first lost her virginity,you would guess they did not mean exactly what they said. BTW what kind of cakes did Alfred make? More importantly,what kind of oven did they have in those days.We had one adjacent to a coal fire so to bake or roast the fire had to be well alight and going strong.Burning cakes was not too easy because there was no thermostat and the fire tended to die down.So you could not turn the knob around by accident or for fun as my brother did in 1947 on our gas cooker when my mother had put all her eggs,dried fruit etc together to make a Xmas cake… rationing was still on and besides we were quite poor then.A cake like that needs a long time to bake on a low heat.So it was ruined and although I was only a baby then I can hear the shouting now.Had my brother been the king then,no doubt he could have put all the family into prison where at least they would have got a slice of roast pigeon and some stale Xmas cake…. probably left over from Saxon times.Come to think of it,were the Saxons Christians and if not how come they made Xmas cake? Now if the Royal family had gone to Amazon and bought an oven timer history would be quite different now.I wonder what Alfred was doing? Was he enjoying the delights of his Queen? Now in my baking book it says
Never make love while waiting for a cake to bake.Not even to yourself.It will distract you.
Personally I’d admire anyone who got turned on after spending hours mixing the ingredients and preparing the cake tin but maybe I am unusual.How would I know if I were?I can hardly go around asking if they find making a cake arousing.I’d have thought that it’s what you do when you are frigid as you hope the oven might warm you up.On no account must you try to make love in the oven on a household cooker because it’s not possible.Why?That requires a lot of thought.Basically it’s all about size.Now if Queen Victoria had baked instead of having so many children the history of Europe would have been very different.The Kaiser was her grandson and because his mother was Victoria’s first child he believed he should have been King of England.Now if he had been,would there have been a war?Is there any point in speculating like this?Again I need a research grant to carry out …. research.Speculating can be dangerous sometimes.Again soe folk like gambling and others like playing Solitaire.Vive la difference.Oy vey.Amen
Now if Victoria had stuck to jam and cream filled sponges the world would be utterly transformed and we would all be speaking a different language…but which?