My husband had never looked less livid
As he died down in old A and E.
His colour was vivid
His hair was all withered
He cried,Where the hell do I be?
I said,you’re in bed with a lady
So I’ll arrange for a speedy divorce.
You’ll have to hurry,
If you wish to re-marry.
If needs be, I shall use polite force.
He winked at me solemn as Moses
After wandering the Sinai for years.
He said,Dear I love you
There’ no lady above you
Don’t spend too much on my hearse.
Would you like me to marry my lover?
He’s gone cold waiting out in the shed!
He said,don’t ask me yet for
My mood’s on a see -saw
Take whom you like when you wed.
But first give me a nice service
Sing Pie Jesu for me!
Your voice is so sweet
It shall be my last treat.
Oh,Lord,how I deeply love thee.
I said that is very ambiguous
Do you love me best or Jesu?
He said I love both
Yet I love God the most.
So there’s not very much I can do.
He imitated a dying philanderer.
.But alas it was only too real.
My hand on his nose
Almost gave up the ghost.
It froze and it stuck like a seal.
Oh,doctor can you separate us
For I am not yet quite dead?
My only concern
Is to take a short turn
As my boyfriend is alone in the shed.
You sinner,the doctor said to me
You committed adultery twice.
Well,I had to be kind
My boyfriend’s half blind.
Is that an excuse for my vice?
I didn’t want love in the garden
As we might have frightened a snail.
It’s not quite infidelity
To love a man gently
When your husband’s as dead as a nail.
Anyway,my heart is no longer alive,doc
In the shadow of death ,life is weak
I pretended to be wicked
As my husband often bickered
Diabetics make their carers feel bleak.
I see you were lost in fantasia,
While singing the psalms to your spouse.
I shall forgive you
No-one else lives like you.
You have often kept your wedding vows.
What do you mean saying often?
He’s the only man I’ve ever loved.
For his sense of humour
Cleared out all my gloomour
I called him my chicken,my dove.
The force of procreation is violent
And drives lonely women to bed.
God made us like this
As he made grass snakes hiss.
Upon hearing this the doc fled!