Rosa Benchez was standing in the hall of her deluxe modern semi holding a bag of potatoes in one hand and the snail mail in the other.Someone was knocking on the door.Rosa put the potatoes down on the bureau next to three broken clocks and some pink gloves.She got her camera out as she opened the door as she had a plan.
What is all this stuff doing here? asked her neighbour Rosamund Pilchard
I am doing photographs of people’s homes and the meaning of such images and I am starting with this as an expression of the loss I have sufferedsince Charlie Blogge threw me over.Human chaos I might call it.She recalled burning the engagementt ring
She added a banana to the heap and took several shots with her Kodak Bridge canera
What can I do for you? she asked
Do you know how to make trifle,Rosamund demanded
Yes, but you can buy it in Waitrose
I have got this man coming tomorrow from Soulmates.I want to make an impression.I know men used to buy women meals but now it’s different
Did you meet him in the coffee shop?I saw you there with a strangely handsome man last week.I liked the look of him
Well. they say don’t let them have your address but as he says he is an MP it should be ok
Is he really an MP,asked Rosa?You are very naive,you know
He may be one of those Euro MPs. That Nigel Farage is.Not that I would date him
I am surprised he’s not met some gorgeous lady already over thre.Though you are very beautiful,dear girl.Brussels is very intriguing.Here,take this glass dish.I can email you the recipe.
What I was thinking was.:will you ring the bell at 8.30 pm tomorrow and pretend you need an egg or some sugar.Then you can meet Saul and tell me what you think of him.Not then but later…
I am no expert on men,Rosa gurgled.I just made a big mistake with Charlie Blogge.I met him!He was ok online but in real life he is mean and selfish.He only wanted one thing. and it was not sexual love.
Perhaps he hoped you would change him for the better? Rosamund whispered softly
Why can’t he change himself?
If you have a few friends you trust you can ask them for any criticisms they have of you but you can’t do it with a boyfriend as it is a delicate task to choose the right moment to say:
I’d rather live with a gay man who wears orange velvet trousers and dyes his hair green than with a selfish pig like you.Sex is not the most important thing in the world.Love is my priority
Rosamund was amazed.
I read in the Guardian than a woman of 87 in a Care Home asked for a vibrator.I suppose it’s better than having sex with a horrible man, she mused thoughtlessly
Do you think so? Rosa asked It’s completely different than having someone there gazing into your eyes and wrapping their arms round you and calling you by a pet name.But I suppose it passes the time when you are stuck in a Home.It’s exercise of course, as well.
Nowadays there’s less love and kindness and more sexual experiments said her neighbour.
They are not real experiments as those have to be repeatable and independent of the observer,Rosa murmured
Why bring in the Observer? Rosamund asked.What about the Express or the Telegraph
Well,it’s immaterial as it would not be the same making love while bein abserved,Rosa told her.Some people might freeze up.Some may enjoy it
They gazed onto the garden where two cats were having fun on the lawn
Shall we have a cup of tea and some Xmas cake?
The teapot was lying on the floor where Rosa had kicked it when she got up to vent her rage at life.She picked it up and washed it tenderly
They sat in the lemon painted room thinking about all the men they had known and sometimes loved
Will we ever find someone else suitable? Rosa asked.I sometimes wish I was gay as then we’d have more to talk about with another woman.But I don’t fancy it somehow.There is something missing.
I know what you mean,Rosamund giggled
I didn’t mean that, it is just a man is different.Greedy.lazy and can’t use a carpet sweeper as he cannot find the switch.It’s interesting to toy with them and play with their Meccano.
It certainly is.Or persuade them dolls are more fun that engineering
And so say all of us