Stan realised it was time for Emile to have his annual flu jab.He stopped polishing the windows and picked up the phone.
Hello,it’s Stan here.Can I make an appointment for Emile?
Yes, come today if Emile has had a bath!
Are you joking?
Yes, the receptionist responded cheerfully.
Actually, he did have a bath and now can swim breaststroke!
How amazing, she said sweetly.
Stan got out Emile’s travelling basket.He put some copies of The Independent inside in case Emile was bored.
Here, Emile, I’m taking you for a ride in the car.kindly step into your basket,
Can’t I sit by you and wear a seat belt?
I fear it’s illegal.
OK, granddad, Emile answered jauntily.He climbed into the basket and sat up staring out boldly with his great amber eyes.
The doorbell rang.
Hello, Annie, Would you like to come to the vet with us?
She looked down at her violet velvet track suit and purple trainers with real gold laces.
Yes, I’ll sit in the back with Emile.
After ten minutes they arrived and parked the car under an elm tree.Stan carried the basket steadily not wanting the poor cat to fall in an undignified manner. Annie looked at her green nails.
Do you like my nail varnish, Stan?
To be honest, I prefer shell pink.
Why is that, darling?
It is more feminine!
Feminine!But you can see I’m feminine!
I like you to be even more feminine.
Oh,yes , agreed Emile, So do I.
You men, she cried sweetly, never satisfied.
I wouldn’t say that, my America, my Newfoundland!
What’s up?Swallowed the dictionary.
It’s a poem, actually.
You’ve been reading again.It’s bad for you.
Don’t you like to be my new found land?
A bit late to ask now, she murmured seductively.
Next moment they were in the empty waiting room.Then a man came in with a big black dog.Emile stared fiercely and the dog whimpered and lay down on the floor.
The vet came out and asked Stan to bring Emile in.Emile gave a yell at the dog before Stan shut the door.So, said the beautiful young vet, how is pussy today.
Emile remained silent.He’s fine,j ust needs his flu jab.muttered Stan.
Come now, Emile come out of there.But Emile was clinging to his basket with ll his sharp claws.
Are you afraid Emile?He asked kindly
No, I’m not afraid, I’m just acting how vets expect cats to act.
So Emile speaks English?
He knows French too.
Je t’aime Emile.
Stop showing off and get out of there, she doesn’t speak Dutch.
Mein mutter wast immer krank,cried Emile.
Get out now!
Emile came out slowly and stood by this good lady.She looks a bit like Annie, he whispered.
The vet took out a small needle and swiftly injected Emile.
What a good boy, she sang, would you like a jelly baby?
A jelly baby!Cats don’t eat jelly babies!
Well, have a go!
Emile stalked back to his basket, put on some glasses and began to read the editorial in The Independent.
Stan was hoping to make a suggestive remark to the vet, but Annie came in.
Hurry up, there’s a thunderstorm coming.Her nails were now pink.
Did you change your nail varnish?
No, the green was artificial nails!I took them off.
Can I have some claw varnish.demanded Emile
I fancy teal, Emile miaowed.
What about red?
I don’t think I’ll bother then, the cat said languidly
We men don’t have to bother about such things.
Well, you are lucky, said Annie.
I hate makeup and nail varnish, blow dries and manicures but I don’t feel feminine without it.
You feel very feminine to me said Stan, running his hand softly along her forearm
and patting her behind!
Stan!Not here in the road!
Why not? enquired Emile.It looks ideal to me if you go behind those bushes.
Annie jumped into the car and drove away leaving Stan to carry Emile to the bus stop for a tedious journey home.Then she reappeared, opened the door and said,
come on now let’s all go home.I’m sorry I drove away.I’m feeling a bit blue today.
They got in and arrived safely home where Stan brewed a big pot of tea and let Annie sit on the sofa with her feet on a cushion.He rubbed her head gently.Lovely, she purred.
I like having my head stroked.So do I, said Emile loudly but alas they were too busy to hear or care.So Emile fell asleep and dreamed he was only a character in a story.And so so all of us.
Top Posts & Pages