I tried to put my card in the right slot
Then why it asked my number, I forgot
The people waiting all began to moan
So I took their picture with my mobile phone.
I’m posting it on Twitter just for fame
It’s about time I found some other folks to blame
I never sign a cheque nor write with pens
As my spectacles have lost their plastic lens.
I sat down on an armchair in the Bank
And as I did I felt my spirits sink
How will I get money or pay bills?
By the way, I just made 9 new wills.
After I had used a credit card
I went outside; I felt my morning marred
Then suddenly my PIN came to my mind
My face smoothed out and lost those extra lines.
I might have it tattooed onto my arm
An action like the Nazis might acclaim
They numbered Jews of Europe, stamped on them
That was when the countdown was begun.
How they tried to take their dignity.
The Jews recited Kaddish quietly
They praised Lord G-d and thanked him, giving praise
For G-d is most mysterious in his ways.
The Nazis were the first to number man.
And decorate our arms with numbers, what elan.
But now the government seems very kind.
Or else I’m stupid, mad and blind
Numbers have their place but we need names
We’re human and live in a larger frame
Once we were baptised and named to G-d
Now we’re numbers so computers hold the Rod.
For numbers need no spelling like words do
My name is Thornthwaite, morning, how d’ye do?
It’s so difficult to spell it makes men shout.
You’re number 870 nine trillion noughts.
One day they’ll have us microchipped
They’ll herd us into lines with their strong whips.
And as we read the Fifty Shades we see know
The forest glades are better than Soho.