All beds to be re-combusted daily.
All china to be smashed before viewers
Tea towels which fall on the floor to be awakened before use
No dogs bowed to in kitchen or hallways
Cats enter on owner’s fist or else.
Please be polit , as being alive often offends.
Do not wait too long.Hit the roof if needs be
Do not question me, if I speak Double Dutch.I am it wielly learning thee slowlier than Buber.
Please thank our neighbours before screaming in bed, especially while asleep.
Please leave our grooms better than you find them.Microfibre clothes and Ajax in the wardrobe.Dusters behind the door or in the washing machine.
Remember we have no maids; please cook your own goose.Not provided.
My wife makes herself useful in the puddings as you see in our menu.No flavours
Do not giggle or gurgle while asleep as the walls are very thin.
No sex except on Sundays or, by prior arrangement, with the manager.