Throw it on the ceiling to see how well it sticks.
Go smirk on an egg
Whack, keep off my leg.
Do you leak and fear opprobrium?
Buy our special pads then stick ’em on your bum
Forgot to wash your dirty hair today
Spray it with our Polywash, it’ll look like stacks of hay
Do you fear your private parts might smell?
Wash with our carbolic soap and you’ll get eczema there as well
Why not buy a tube of our cortisone cream today?
It cures stuff like red nettle rash and makes us all feel gay
Heavy menstruation gives the government much tax
Take the pill right now and then you won’t need those tampax
Short of needed space to store your paper stacks
Glue them to the ceiling with pre-owned, slugs and ducks
Running out of printer ink is an evil sin
Sign up with your provider here and meet your evil twin
Empty your inbox, forward all your mail
We can let you hire more than a thousand learned snails
OLDER PESTS? Press here. HERE
COLDER PESTS? Emigrate to the Middle East where war and the temperature keep hotting up